I am in such a good place, in so many places. Wow. What a relief, feeling free. I've been sick for a really long time, it seems, and I'm so grateful to have finally given myself permission to have this kind of peace of mind. Yesterday I went to the beach and it was really great. I bounded up a dune until my muscles burned, then I ran down it. I think that's how life should be. Once you get to the top and you're all winded, endorphin rush you can just sail down in the breeze with hair flowing in the wind. but watch you're step.
Maybe I just didn't have enough moments like that to remember on (insert negative adjective) days in the cold. Maybe I need some new adjectives. New synapses.
Tomorrow is this holiday that used to be my favorite. One year I even bought an American flag Speedo swimsuit, and I thought I was the coolest person in the world. My best friend and I went to her cottage, and we went out on a boat and watched the fireworks, rocking back and forth on the waves. We came back, and slept out on the dock, falling asleep after the neighbors' post-show show of illegal fireworks from nearby Indiana. I love how laws really really don't matter, but I also hate it. It makes the Fourth of July a little too ironic for me, especially in recent years. What are we celebrating? I don't see much to get riled up about this year, except the hard working friends I have who try so hard to make the changes in themselves and others that they would like to see in the world.
I am so happy to have the energy to join them now, and I am so humbled by the kindness I have received from the people that care about me.
love, love love.